the formula to a happy marriage.

want to know the secret to a happy marriage?
follow these four easy steps!

"there is a never-failing formula which will guarantee to every couple a happy and eternal marriage; but like all formulas, the principal ingredients must not be left out, reduced, or limited. the selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals—not upon one, but upon two...

the formula is simple; the ingredients are few, though there are many amplifications of each.

first, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals. and then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

second, there must be a great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, subjugating self.

third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

fourth, there must be a complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

with these ingredients properly mixed and continually kept functioning, it is quite impossible for unhappiness to come, misunderstandings to continue, or breaks to occur. divorce attorneys would need to transfer to other fields and divorce courts would be padlocked."

from president kimball: "oneness in marriage"

*marriage wednesdays!*

gottman shares seven principles about making marriage work and today is the last one. (sniff sniff)
his final principle, create shared meaning, reminds couples that in order for marriage to be successful and meaningful - you need to create an inner life together. create rituals. create roles, goals, and symbols. essential - creating "inside jokes" and traditions is something that will profoundly influence your relationship with your spouse.

below is a questionnaire that will help you and your spouse see how well you create shared meaning in your relationship. you can answer the questions together or separate - but remember to be honest!

your rituals of connection

1. we see eye to eye about the rituals that involve family dinnertimes in our home. T F
2. holiday meals (like thanksgiving, christmas, passover) are very special and happy times for us (or we both hate them). T F
3. end-of-the-day reunions in our home are generally special times. T F
4. we see eye to eye about the role of tv in our home. T F
5. bedtimes are generally good times for being close. T F
6. during the weekends we do a lot of things together that we enjoy and value. T F
7. we have the same values about entertaining in our home (having friends over, parties, and so on.) T F
8. we both value, or both dislike, special celebrations (like birthdays, anniversaries, family reunions.) T F
9. when i become sick, iI feel taken care of and loved by my spouse. T F
10. i really look forward to and enjoy our vacations and the travel we do together. T F
11. spending our morning time together is special to us. T F
12. when we do errands together, we generally have a good time. T F
13. we have ways of becoming renewed and refreshed when we are burned out or fatigued. T F

scoring: give yourself one point for each “true” answer. if you score below three, your marriage could stand some improvement in this area. 

your roles

·         1. we share many similar values in our roles as husband and wife.  T  F

·         2. we share many similar values in our roles as mother and father.  T  F

·         3. we have many similar views about what it means to be a good friend to others.  T  F

·         4. my partner and i have compatible views about the role of work in one’s life.  T  F

·         5. my partner and i have similar philosophies about balancing work and family life.  T  F

·        6.  my partner supports what i would see as my basic mission in my life.  T  F

·         7. my partner shares my views on the importance of family and kin (sisters, brothers, moms, dads)               in our life  together.  T  F

scoring: give yourself one point for each “true” answer. if you score below three, your marriage could stand some improvement in this area. 

your goals

·         1. we share many of the same goals in our life together.  T  F

·        2. if i were to look back on my life in very old age, i think i would see that our paths had meshed very well.  T  F

·         3. my partner values my accomplishments.  T  F

·         4. my partner honors the personal goals i have that are unrelated to our marriage.  T  F

·         5. we share many of the same goals for others who are important to us (children, kin, friends, and community).  T  F

·         6. we have very similar financial goals.  T  F

·         7. we tend to have compatible worries about potential financial disasters.  T  F

·         8. our hopes and aspirations, as individuals and together, for our children, for our life in general, and for our old age are quite compatible.  T  F

·         9. even when different, we have been able to find a way to honor our life dreams.  T  F 

scoring: give yourself one point for each “true” answer. if you score below three, your marriage could stand some improvement in this area. 

your symbols

·         1. we see eye to eye about what home means.  T  F

·        2. our philosophies of what love ought to be are quite compatible.  T  F

·         3. we have similar values about the importance of peacefulness in our lives.  T  F

·         4. we have similar values about the meaning of family.  T  F

·         5. we have similar views about the role of sex in our lives.  T  F

·         6. we have similar views about the role of love and affection in our lives.  T  F

·         7. we have similar values about the meaning of being married.  T  F

·         8. we have similar values about the importance and meaning of money in our lives.  T  F

·         9. we have similar values about the importance of fun and play in our lives.  T  F

·        10. we have similar values about the significance of adventure.  T  F

·         11. we have similar values about trust.  T  F

·         12. we have similar values about personal freedom.  T  F

·         13. we have similar values about autonomy and independence.  T  F

·         14. we have similar values about sharing power in our marriage.  T  F

·         15. we have similar values about being interdependent, being a “we.”  T  F

·         16. we have similar values about the meaning of having possessions, of owning things (like cars, nice clothes, books, music, a house, and land).  T  F

·         17. we have similar values about the meaning of nature and of our relationship to the seasons.  T  F

·         18. we are both sentimental and tend to reminisce about things in our past.  T  F

·         19. we have similar views about what we want in retirement and old age.  T  F

scoring: give yourself one point for each “true” answer. if you score below three, your marriage could stand some improvement in this area. 

to explore with your spouse the meaning of goals in your individual lives and your marriage, answer the following questions:

1. write a “mission statement” of what your mission in life is. write your own obituary. what would you like it to say?
2. what goals do you have in life, for yourself, for your spouse, for your children? what do you want to accomplish in the next five to ten years?
3. what is one life dream that you want to fulfill before you die?
4. we often fill our time with things that demand our immediate attention-putting out fires, so to speak. but what are the truly important things in your life that are great sources of energy and pleasure that you really need to block out time for, the important things that keep getting postponed or crowded out?
5. what is the role of spirituality in your lives? what was this role in your families growing up? how should this be in your family?

* i taught this principle in a workshop recently and the couples that attended really enjoyed doing this exercise. i believe it helped bring to light many things that strengthened their marriage.

* i hope these marriage principles have helped. gottman is a genius when it comes to marriage and his book has really taught me a thing or two! 

* go back and read about the other six principles here!

happy wednesday :)

*marriage wednesdays!*

to help our spouse know how much we truly appreciate them, we need to remember to say "thank you." because honestly, who doesn't like being reminded of the things others appreciate about us? to spark your imagination on the things you appreciate most about your spouse, do the following exercise.

exercise: say thank you!

instructions:
select from the following list three things you really appreciate about your spouse. (of course, you can add items not on the list.) then tell your spouse what these three things are. this can be as simple as a statement like, "i really like the way you are sensitive to my moods."

your energy
your strength
the way you are commanding
the way you let me direct things
how sensitive you are to me
how you support me and respond to my moods
your ability to read me
the way you are when we make decisions
the way you let me be myself
your skin
your face
your warmth
your enthusiasm
your hair
the way you touch me
how safe i feel with you
your tenderness
your imagination
your eyes
the way i trust you
your passion
how well you know me
your gracefulness
they way you move
the way you kiss me
your affection your playfulness
your humor
your loyalty to me
your competence as a spouse
your competence as a parent
what you are like as a friend
your sense of style

(list adapted from john gottman's book.)

* by saying "thank you" more often, you and your spouse are able to focus on the positive and overcome difficult or overwhelming situations.

p.s. THANK YOU for dropping by! i love having you and while you are here - why not enter my giveaway? it ends friday so hurry over!

*marriage wednesdays!*

it's wednesday and let me tell you - today's marriage tip is extremely useful and popular.
gottman's fifth principle is: solve your solvable problems.

i don't know a couple in the world that doesn't need a little help in the solving problems section. we all face them - so why not learn how to resolve them?? first, read the 5 steps to conflict resolution below. then, do this fun paper tower activity. (i know we are going to be doing it this week!)

activity: paper tower
this activity is especially fun to do with other couples. consider having a paper tower party or contest where each couple is a separate team. you can take turns being builders and scorekeepers.
your mission: build a free-standing paper tower using the supplies listed below. the goal is to build the highest, most stable, and most beautiful tower you can. you may have very different ideas about how to go about this, so remember to work out your differences of opinion using the compromise approach ... during this exercise try to be a team. try both to give and to accept influence. include your partner. ask questions. take about half an hour for this task. the finished product should not adhere exactly to either of your visions but should include both of them. when you're finished, have a third party (or another couple) score your tower ... when you're finished, you'll have created a monument to your marriage and your enhanced compromising skills.

supplies:
1 sunday paper (or any newspaper really)
ball of string
crayons
colored cellophane
scotch tape
stapler
markers
construction paper
cardboard pieces

scoring:
the top score is 90. you get:
- up to 20 points for height
- up to 20 points for strength (stability)
- up to 50 points for beauty and originality. 

gottman created a model for resolving conflict in a loving relationship.
there are five steps:
(it's long but really - it's so important! if you don't want to read it all, at least skip to the fifth step. very useful.)


1. soften your startup
 "if you start an argument harshly - meaning you attack your spouse verbally - you'll end up with at least as much tension as you began. but if you use a softened startup - meaning you complain but don't criticize or otherwise attack your spouse - the discussion is likely to be productive. and if most of your arguments start softly, your marriage is likely to be stable and happy."

2. learn to make and receive repair attempts
"when you take driving lessons, the first thing you're taught is how to stop the car. putting on the brakes is an important skill in a marriage, too. when your discussion starts off on the wrong foot, or you find yourself in an endless cycle of recriminations, you can prevent a disaster if you know how to stop." this is called repair attempts. " your future together can be bright even if your disagreements tend to be very negative. the secret is learning the right kind of damage control."

3. soothe yourself and each other
"it is harder for a man's body to calm down after an argument than a woman's ... if your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute you won't be able to hear what your spouse is trying to tell you no matter how hard you try. take a twenty minute break before continuing."

4. compromise
"before you try to resolve a conflict, remember that the cornerstone of any compromise is accepting influence [from your spouse]."

5. be tolerant of each other's faults
"too often, a marriage gets bogged down in 'if onlies.' if only your spouse were taller, richer, smarter, neater, or sexier, all of your problems would vanish. as long as this attitude prevails, conflicts will be very difficult to resolve. until you accept your partner's flaws ... you will not be able to compromise successfully ... conflict resolution is not about one person changing, it's about negotiating, finding common ground and ways that you can accommodate each other."


* i hope this was helpful! let me know if you have any question or comments or if you did the activity and had a good time with your spouse! really - that's the point to all of this :)

* just joined in on the fun of marriage wednesdays?? go here, or here, or here, or here, to read about the other tips!

just googled paper tower and this is what i got!
now, you better not be doing something like this... ;)

*marriage wednesdays!*

happy wednesday friends! for this weeks - marriage tip - i am going to go over gottman's fourth principle:
let your partner influence you.

- first do the following fun exercise with your spouse. this will help give you a sense of how well you let your partner influence you.


exercise: the gottman island survival game

scenario: imagine that your cruise ship just sank in the caribbean, and you awaken to find yourselves on a tropical desert island. gilligan and ginger are nowhere in sight—the two of you are the only survivors. one of you is injured. you have no idea where you are. you think there is some chance that people know of the ship’s distress, but you’re not sure. a storm appears to be on the way. you decide that you need to prepare to survive on this island for some time and also to make sure you are spotted by a rescue party. there is a bunch of stuff from the ship on the beach that could help you, but you can only carry ten items total.

your mission: first, each person needs to write down on a separate sheet of paper what you would consider to be the ten most important items to keep from the inventory list, based on your own survival plan. then, rank these items based on their importance to you. there is no right or wrong answers. then, share your list with your partner. together, come up with a consensus list of ten items. you will need to talk it over and work as a team to solve the problem. both of you will need to be influential in discussing the problem and making the final decisions.

ship’s inventory:
1) two changes of clothing
2) am-fm and short wave radio receiver

3) ten gallons of water
4) pots and pans
5) matches
6) shovel
7) backpack

8) toilet paper
9) two tents
10) two sleeping bags

11) knife

12) small life raft with sail
13) sunblock lotion

14) cook stove and lantern

15) long rope

16) two walkie-talkies
17) freeze-dried food for seven days

18) one change of clothing

19) one fifth of whiskey

20) flares

21) compass

22) regional aerial maps

23) gun with six bullets
24) first-aid kit with penicillin

25) oxygen tanks

evaluation of survival game; adapted from gottman and silver’s the seven principles for making marriage work (1999).

1. how effective do you think you were at influencing your spouse?
a. not at all effective
b. neither effective nor ineffective
c. somewhat effective
d. very effective
2. how effective was your spouse at influencing you?
a. not at all effective
b. neither effective nor ineffective
c. somewhat effective
d. very effective
3. did either of you try to dominate the other, or were you competitive with each other?
a. a lot
b. somewhat
c. a little
d. not at all
4. did you sulk or withdraw?
a. a lot
b. somewhat
c. a little
d. not at all
5. did your partner sulk or withdraw?
a. a lot
b. somewhat
c. a little
d. not at all
6. did you have fun?
a. not at all
b. somewhat
c. a little
d. a lot
7. did you work well as a team?
a. not at all
b. a little
c. somewhat
d. a great deal
8. how much irritability or anger did you feel?
a. a lot 

b. some 

c. a little 

d. none
9. how much irritability or anger do you think your partner felt?
a. a lot 

b. some 

c. a little 

d. none
10. did you feel included in the process?
a. not at all
b. a little
c. a reasonable amount
d. a great deal

scoring: give one point for each “a” answer, two points for each “b” answer, three points for each “c” answer, and four points for each “d” answer. average your score with your partner’s by adding them together and dividing the result by 2. this is your final couple score. if your couple score is over 24, then you are doing a good job of accepting each other’s influence and working together as a team. remember, changing old habits takes time and you can always strive to improve yourself and your relationship! commit to talking to each other about your ability to accept influence from each other and work to improve your abilities as a team.

gottman says, "in our long-term study of 130 newlywed couples. . . we have found that even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives' influence. . . our study didn't really find that men should give up all of their personal power and let their wives rule their lives. but we did find that the happiest, most stable marriages in the long run were those where the husband treated his wife with respect and did not resist power sharing and decision making with her."

* i think we all see the importance of letting our partner influence us. and doing fun exercises like the one above can lead us in that direction :)

(if i'm ever stranded on an island - i hope it's as pretty as this! taken from my trip to hawaii 2009.)

hope this was enjoyable - come back next week to join in on the fun of *marriage wednesdays!*

*marriage wednesdays!*

hello all! I'm here yet again for our marriage wednesdays! a way for me to share my growing knowledge on marriage and families. today i'm going to share gottman's third principle "turn toward each other instead of away."

he states, "hollywood has dramatically distorted our notions of romance and what makes passion burn ... real-life romance is ... kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life. comical as it may sound, romance actually grows when a couple is in the supermarket and the wife says, 'are we out of bleach?' and the husband says, 'i don't know. let me go get some just in case,' instead of shrugging apathetically. it grows when you know your spouse is having a bad day at work and you take sixty seconds out of your own workday to leave words of encouragement on his voice mail. in these instances husband and wife are making a choice to turn toward each other rather than away."

to get a good sense of how your relationship is faring (or is likely to fare in the future) in the romance department, answer the following questions. and be honest! 

*read each statement and circle T for "true" or F for "false."

1. we enjoy doing small things together, like folding laundry or watching TV. T or F
2. i look forward to spending my free time with my partner. T or F
3. at the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. T or F
4. my partner is usually interested in hearing my views. T or F
5. i really enjoy discussing things with my partner. T or F
6. my partner is one of my best friends. T or F
7. i think my partner would consider me a very close friend. T or
8. we just love talking to each other. T or F
9. when we go out together the time goes by very quickly. T or F
10. we always have a lot to say to each other. T or F
11. we have a lot of fun together. T or F
12. we are spiritually very compatible. T or F
13. we tend to share the same basic values. T or F
14. we like to spend time together in similar ways. T or F
15. we really have a lot of common interests. T or F
16. we have many of the same dreams and goals. T or F
17. we like to do a lot of the same things. T or F
18. even though our interests are different, i enjoy my partner’s interests. T or F
19. whatever we do together, we usually tend to have a good time. T or F
20. my partner tells me when he or she has had a bad day. T or F

*scoring: give yourself one point for each "true" answer.

- 10 or above: congratulations! this is an area of strength in your marriage. because you are so often “there” for each other during the minor events in your lives, you have built up a hefty emotional bank account that will support you over any rough patches in your marriage. it’s the little moments that make up the heart and soul of a marriage. having a surplus in your bank account is what makes romance last and gets you through hard times, bad moods and major life changes.
- below 10: your marriage could stand some improvement in this area. by learning to turn toward each other during the minor moments in your day, you will make your marriage not only stable but also more romantic. every time you make the effort to listen and respond to what your spouse says, to help him or her, you make your marriage a little better.

the following exercise is a list of ideas you and your spouse can do to strengthen the connection you have with one another.

exercise: the emotional bank account
* directions: choose 3 activities that you feel would strengthen your connectedness. do them this week then come back next week for 3 more - basically you can do as many as you want and hopefully your emotional connection will continue to grow.
(list taken from gottman's book the seven principles for making marriage work.)

1. reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went.
2. shop for groceries. make up the shopping list.
3. cook dinner, bake.
4. clean house, do laundry.
5. shop together for gifts or clothes (for self, kids, or friends).
6. go out (no kids) for brunch or dinner.
7. read the morning paper together.
8. help each other with a self-improvement plan (e.g., a new class, weight loss, exercise, and a new career).
9. plan and host a dinner party.
10. call and/or think about each other during the workday.
11. stay overnight at a romantic hideaway.
12. eat breakfast together during the work week.
13. go to a church, mosque, or synagogue together.
14. do yard work, shovel the walk, do home repairs, car maintenance, and washing.
15. perform committee work in the community (e.g., volunteering).
16. exercise together
17. go on weekend outings (e.g., picnic, drives).
18. spend “everyday” time with kids –bedtimes, baths, homework.
19. take the kids on outings (e.g., zoo, museum, dinner).
20. attend school functions (e.g., teacher conferences).
21. stay in touch with/spend time with kin (parents, in-laws, siblings).
22. entertain out-of-town guests.
23. travel together (plane, bus, train, car).
24. watch television or videos.
25. order take out.
26. double-date with friends.
27. attend sporting events.
28. engaged in a favorite activity (e.g., bowl, go to amusement park, bicycle, hike, job, horseback ride, camp, canoe, sail, water-ski, swim).
29. talk or read together by and open fire.
30. listen to music.
31. go dancing or attend a concert, nightclub, jazz club, or theater.
32. host your child’s birthday party.
33. take your child to lessons. (music, sports)
34. attend your child’s sporting events or performance (recital, play, etc.).
35. pay bills.
36. write letters or cards.
37. deal with family medical events (take kids to the doctor, dentist, or emergency room).
38. work at home, but still be together in some way.
39. go to a community event (e.g., church auction).
40. go to a party.
41. drive to or from work together.
42. celebrate milestones in your children’s lives (confirmations, graduation).
43. celebrate other milestones in your lives (e.g., promotion, retirement).
44. play computer games, surf the internet.
45. supervise your children’s play dates.
46. plan vacations.
47. plan your future together. dream.
48. walk the dog.
49. read out loud together.
50. play a board game or a card game.
51. put on plays or skits together.
52. do errands together on a weekend.
53. engage in hobbies; e.g., painting, sculpting, making music.
54. talk over drinks.
55. find time to just talk without interruptions—find time for spouse to really listen to you.
56. philosophize.
57. gossip (talk about other people).
58. attend a funeral.
59. help out other people.
60. hunt for a new house or apartment.
61. test-drive new cars.
62. other: come up with something together!

enjoy - and happy wednesday!

*marriage wednesdays!*

hello all! today for marriage wednesdays we are doing the second principle from gottmans book the seven principles for making marriage work.
didn't catch last weeks principle? no biggie - just go here!

principle number two: nurture your fondness and admiration

"i've found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage's history are likely to have a happy future as well.

"at first, this may all seem obvious to the point of being ridiculous - [but] people who are happily married like each other. if they didn't, they wouldn't be happily married. but fondness and admiration can be fragile unless you remain aware of how crucial they are to the friendship that is at the core of any good marriage. by simply reminding yourself of your spouse's positive qualities -- even as you grapple with each other's flaws -- you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating. the simple reason is that fondness and admiration are the antidotes for contempt. if you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree.
                     
"when you acknowledge and openly discuss positive aspects of your partner and your marriage, you bond is strengthen. this makes it much easier to address the problem areas in your marriage and make some positive changes."                                                                                                             - john gottman

- to strengthen your fondness and admiration for your spouse, do the following fun exercise!


*circle 3 items that you think are characteristics of your spouse, or are things you appreciate about them.
if there are more than 3, still circle just three. (you can circle another three if you choose to do this exercise again.) if you’re having difficulty coming up with 3, feel free to define the word very loosely.

"i appreciate..."
1. loving
2. sensitive
3. brave
4. intelligent
5. thoughtful
6. generous
7. loyal
8. truthful
9. strong
10. energetic
11. sexy
12. decisive
13. creative
14. imaginative
15. fun
16. attractive
17. interesting
18. supportive
19. funny
20. considerate
21. affectionate
22. organized
23. resourceful
24. athletic
25. cheerful
26. coordinated
27. graceful
28. elegant
29. gracious
30. playful
31. caring
32. a great friend
33. exciting
34. thrifty
35. full of plans
36. shy
37. vulnerable
38. committed
39. involved
40. expressive
41. active
42. careful
43. reserved
44. adventurous
45. receptive
46. reliable
47. responsible
48. dependable
49. nurturing
50. warm
51. virile
52. kind
53. gentle
54. practical
55. healthy
56. witty
57. relaxed
58. beautiful
59. handsome
60. rich
61. calm
62. a great partner
63. lively
64. a great parent
65. assertive
66. protective
67. sweet
68. tender
69. powerful
70. understanding
71. flexible
72. totally silly

for each item you checked, briefly think of an actual incident that illustrates this characteristic of your partner.

characteristic:________________________________________________
incident: ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
characteristic: ________________________________________________
incident: ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
characteristic: ________________________________________________
incident: ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________

now, share you list with your partner. 
let him / her know what it is about these traits that you value so highly.

*marriage wednesdays!*

do you ever have the urge to do something drastic, new, spunky? i sure do - all the time! so i'm here to try just that - add some more flair to my blog. starting today i'm going to be doing a weekly post called *marriage wednesdays!*

 (don't leave just yet.)


being a junior/senior human development major,  i've learned so many valuable tips, ideas, theories, words of advice, etc. etc. on marriage and family. to say the very least - i absolutely love it! and since one day i hope to become a counselor, i thought to myself, "self, you should share this knowledge with the world." yes, i realize i am no expert on marriage, but i do enjoy it and know that many couples are looking for ways to connect better with their spouse. i'm hoping the things i post will be of some help to somebody!


to start off - i'm doing posts from a marriage genius, john gottman. these tips for strengthening marriage all come from his book the seven principles for making marriage work, and all have proven very successful.  

principle number one: enhance your love maps

a love map is, "that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life... the more you know and understand about each other, the easier it is to keep connected as life swirls around you."

here comes the fun part - to strengthen your love maps for your spouse, play the love map 20 questions game! all you need is a piece of paper and pen/pencil. taking twenty at a time, answer the questions below the best you can about your spouse. if you want to be a little competitive and take score, you can with the points in parenthesis. after twenty questions, stop and talk about your answers. 
 (we did this and honestly - you will end up knowing things you didn't even realize you didn't know!) 

1. name two of my closest friends. (2)

2. what is my favorite musical group, composer, or instrument? (2)

3. what was i wearing when we first met? (2)

4. name one of my hobbies. (3)

5. where was i born? (1)

6. what stresses am i facing right now? (4)

7. describe in detail what i did today, or yesterday. (4)

8. when is my birthday? (1)

9. what is the date of our anniversary? (1)

10. who is my favorite relative? (2)

11. what is my fondest unrealized dream? (5) 

12. what is my favorite flower? (2)

13. what is one of my greatest fears or disaster scenarios? (3)

14. what is my favorite time of day for lovemaking? (3)

15. what makes me feel most competent? (4)

16. what turns me on sexually? (3)

17. what is my favorite meal? (2)

18. what is my favorite way to spend an evening? (2)

19. what is my favorite color? (1)

20. what personal improvements do I want to make in my life? (4)

21. what kind of present would I like best? (2)

22. what was one of my best childhood experiences? (2)

23. what was my favorite vacation? (2)

24. what is one of my favorite ways to be soothed? (4)

25. who is my greatest source of support (other than you)? (3)

26. what is my favorite sport? (2)

27. what do i most like to do with time off? (2)

28. what is one of my favorite weekend activities? (2)

29. what is my favorite getaway place? (3)

30. what is my favorite movie? (2)

31. what are some of the important events coming up in my life? how do i feel about them? (4)

32. what are some of my favorite ways to work out? (2)

33. who was my best friend in childhood? (3)

34. what is one of my favorite magazines? (2)

35. name one of my major rivals or “enemies.” (3) 

36. what would i consider my ideal job? (4)

37. what do i fear the most? (4)

38. who is my least favorite relative? (3)

39. what is my favorite holiday? (2)

40. what kinds of books do i most like to read? (3)

41. what is my favorite tv show? (2)

42. which side of the bed do i prefer? (2)

43. what am i most sad about? (4)

44. name one of my concerns or worries. (4)

45. what medical problems do i worry about? (2)

46. what was my most embarrassing moment? (3)

47. what was my worst childhood experience? (3)

48. name two of the people i most admire. (4)

49. name my major rival or enemy. (3)

50. of all the people we both know, who do i like the least? (3)

51. what is one of my favorite desserts? (2)

52. what is my social security number? (2)

53. name one of my favorite novels. (2)

54. what is my favorite restaurant? (2)

55. what are two of my aspirations, hopes, wishes? (4)

56. do i have a secret ambition? what is it? (4)

57. what foods do i hate? (2)

58. what is my favorite animal? (2)

59. what is my favorite song? (2) 

60. which sports team is my favorite? (2)

i hope this was worthwhile - let me know how it went :)