Wednesday, April 25, 2012

*marriage wednesdays!*

hello all! today for marriage wednesdays we are doing the second principle from gottmans book the seven principles for making marriage work.
didn't catch last weeks principle? no biggie - just go here!

principle number two: nurture your fondness and admiration

"i've found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage's history are likely to have a happy future as well.

"at first, this may all seem obvious to the point of being ridiculous - [but] people who are happily married like each other. if they didn't, they wouldn't be happily married. but fondness and admiration can be fragile unless you remain aware of how crucial they are to the friendship that is at the core of any good marriage. by simply reminding yourself of your spouse's positive qualities -- even as you grapple with each other's flaws -- you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating. the simple reason is that fondness and admiration are the antidotes for contempt. if you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree.
"when you acknowledge and openly discuss positive aspects of your partner and your marriage, you bond is strengthen. this makes it much easier to address the problem areas in your marriage and make some positive changes."                                                                                                             - john gottman

- to strengthen your fondness and admiration for your spouse, do the following fun exercise!

*circle 3 items that you think are characteristics of your spouse, or are things you appreciate about them.
if there are more than 3, still circle just three. (you can circle another three if you choose to do this exercise again.) if you’re having difficulty coming up with 3, feel free to define the word very loosely.

"i appreciate..."
1. loving
2. sensitive
3. brave
4. intelligent
5. thoughtful
6. generous
7. loyal
8. truthful
9. strong
10. energetic
11. sexy
12. decisive
13. creative
14. imaginative
15. fun
16. attractive
17. interesting
18. supportive
19. funny
20. considerate
21. affectionate
22. organized
23. resourceful
24. athletic
25. cheerful
26. coordinated
27. graceful
28. elegant
29. gracious
30. playful
31. caring
32. a great friend
33. exciting
34. thrifty
35. full of plans
36. shy
37. vulnerable
38. committed
39. involved
40. expressive
41. active
42. careful
43. reserved
44. adventurous
45. receptive
46. reliable
47. responsible
48. dependable
49. nurturing
50. warm
51. virile
52. kind
53. gentle
54. practical
55. healthy
56. witty
57. relaxed
58. beautiful
59. handsome
60. rich
61. calm
62. a great partner
63. lively
64. a great parent
65. assertive
66. protective
67. sweet
68. tender
69. powerful
70. understanding
71. flexible
72. totally silly

for each item you checked, briefly think of an actual incident that illustrates this characteristic of your partner.

incident: ____________________________________________________
characteristic: ________________________________________________
incident: ____________________________________________________
characteristic: ________________________________________________
incident: ____________________________________________________

now, share you list with your partner. 
let him / her know what it is about these traits that you value so highly.

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These little notes sure brighten my day :)