hello all! today for marriage wednesdays we are doing the second principle from gottmans book the seven principles for making marriage work.
didn't catch last weeks principle? no biggie - just go here!
principle number two: nurture your fondness and admiration
"i've found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage's history are likely to have a happy future as well.
"at first, this may all seem obvious to the point of being ridiculous - [but] people who are happily married like each other. if they didn't, they wouldn't be happily married. but fondness and admiration can be fragile unless you remain aware of how crucial they are to the friendship that is at the core of any good marriage. by simply reminding yourself of your spouse's positive qualities -- even as you grapple with each other's flaws -- you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating. the simple reason is that fondness and admiration are the antidotes for contempt. if you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree.
"when you acknowledge and openly discuss positive aspects of your partner and your marriage, you bond is strengthen. this makes it much easier to address the problem areas in your marriage and make some positive changes." - john gottman
- to strengthen your fondness and admiration for your spouse, do the following fun exercise!
*circle 3 items that you think are characteristics of your spouse, or are things you appreciate about them.
if there are more than 3, still circle just three. (you can circle another three if you choose to do this exercise again.) if you’re having difficulty coming up with 3, feel free to define the word very loosely.
32. a great friend
35. full of plans
62. a great partner
64. a great parent
72. totally silly
for each item you checked, briefly think of an actual incident that illustrates this characteristic of your partner.
now, share you list with your partner.
let him / her know what it is about these traits that you value so highly.